Dear editor:
Ever since you ran a story that I won the lotto all these crazy people are bugging me to death. I did NOT win the lotto. I do not need "drinking buddies"! Please print a retraction before this gets any worse.
Melissa M. - San Leon

Yes, Melissa. You DID win the lotto. Now stop being such a cheap bitch and buy some of your old pals a few drinks.

Dear editor:
Until I picked up a copy of NightMoves, I thought that the area south of Houston was inhabited by a bunch of Hank Williams beer drinkers with pierced eyebrows and bong collections. My suspicions are confirmed in an agreeable way!
Yanky Girl

Ah, a Yankee girl….Brings back some old memories of the north for me: Snow, Pot Roast, Paying for sex, etc.

Dear editor:
I was in one of the bars where your publication is distributed, and I overheard someone saying that your paper is printed on hemp. Is hemp the same as sensemilla? I caught my son with some grassy stuff, and asked him if it was hemp, and he told me no, it was only some sensemilla. How can one tell the difference? Also where do you get your hemp? Is it expensive? Are there different grades? I am sorry to admit my ignorance on these subjects, and hope you can enlighten me.
I think it is great that your company is recycling. I heard one of your editors is a vegan. It's great that someone cares.
Deidra Hart - (please don't print my name)

Dee - ask your son about the hemp thing, he sounds like some kind of expert. As for Bill, our vegan, he says he is not a vegan because he loves animals, but rather because he hates plants.

Attn Editor:
Are you affiliated with any adult magazines that used to be published in Houston? There used to be a stripper magazine with a similar name, that was put in all the men's clubs. Are you affiliated with any of the bars called Nightmoves?
Sam  - Houston

Neither of the above. I've never seen a copy of the magazine you mention, but I have been told that there was a Night Moves magazine in Houston a few years ago, that catered exclusively to adult business. Kind of like Quest. We're not affiliated, never even heard of them until last year. Not affiliated with any clubs with the same name either. We are willing to have a  volleyball tournament any time with any of them to decide who gets to use the name and who has to change, being confident that our volleyball team will kick the shit out of any of them. Did I mention that we have the only unbeaten team this year in the Texas Nude Female Volleyball Association?

Editor:
The world is not going to end if you guys don't print my letter, Just thought I'd share that with you… Algor

Yes, but just in case…..

To the editor:
Here's a fine poem I wrote about my cool girlfriend, short but sweet:
I once was sad, but now I'm in luck, because I found a girl who likes to f---!
Still Truckin in Kemah

Hey, I had a girl who liked to fish once, too. She used to fish for trouser trout…