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Breakfast Cereals Said To Promote Drug Use
For years, parents have believed what they were giving their children for breakfast were completely innocent, nutritious, and healthy sugar-laden cereals, but anti-drug activists have revealed that they were wrong.
"Breakfast cereal mascots encourage children to experiment with dangerous drugs like caffeine and marijuana," said Debby Smith, a mother and anti-drug campaigner.
Smith is one of the founders of a group called the Federation of United Christians With Acronym Designations (FUCWADs).
The group was formed in Clear Lake to protest the use of breakfast cereal mascots to endorse products on television and in print advertising.
"Apparently the hippie dope-heads that make these sugary treats have been slinging their drug slogans right under our very noses for years," said FUCWAD Don Hoyt. "When that bird was talking about being 'cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs' he was actually referring to puffing marijuana cigarettes laced with cocaine."
According to FUCWAD, breakfast cereals were invented by, and are distributed and marketed by drug addicts, who crave high sugar foods while on their binges. The group has compiled a list of drug slogans which have been found their way into popular culture via breakfast food mascots. The list of mascots and drug slogans includes the following:
The Rice Krispies elves, who chime, "Snap, Crackle, and Pop" - a thinly veiled reference to the sound made by methamphetamine while it is being 'cooked'.
Kellogs' Tony the Tiger, who shouts, "They're gr-r-reat," which is an obvious reference to needles full of heroin.
Trix cereal advertisements, as the 'x' in the name clearly suggests ecstasy, or 'X' as it is referred to by dopers. The ads include a drug-crazed rabbit lustfully chasing children in an attempt to get their 'Trix'. The ad concludes with the children greedily shouting, "Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids." It has also been suggested that the rabbit may be a pedophile, which wouldn't be surprising for a depraved drug addict.
The Fruit Loops coke-fiend Toucan Sam who encourages children to "Follow your nose," refers undoubtedly to a large pile of cocaine.
Cap'n Crunch, who screams, "Get me some fucking dope or the Soggies will eat my brain!" is perhaps the newest example.
The FUCWADs say parents should boycott breakfast cereals and protest the satanic dopeheads who make them. They advise parents who are in search of a drug-free alternative to breakfast cereals to try Quaker oatmeal, which is endorsed by pop-icon and anti-drug activist Lindsay Lohan.
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