Conspiracy Theorist Convention Cancelled Over
Accusations Of Mind Control by Secret FBI Elvis Cult

"Seekers By The Sea", billed as the largest gathering of conspiracy buffs in the world, has been cancelled. The event, which had been planned for April 17-19, 2003 at Bayshore Park in San Leon, was to be a 3 day festival. According to Zarvin Mindler, President of the Grassy Knoll Abductees, the event is "not going to happen". Over 40 groups had planned to attend the festival, but representatives were unable to work together. Agent Elvis, a group who believe that Elvis is alive and working for the FBI, accused one of the other groups of using mind control. The accused group is from England, and believes that children conceived in crop circles will have special powers. They call themselves the Circle Of Shaggers, and deny the allegations. When contacted by Gator Press, spokesperson Mabey Knott said "This is not true. This is not true. You will tell them this is not true. You are getting sleepy. Very sleepy...."

Although sponsors had hoped for a large turnout, many conspiracy theorists were already planning to avoid the event. The prevailing view was that government agents would secretly monitor the gathering, and implant tiny electronic tracking devices in the food. The devices, which can stay in the body for over 10 years, would enable persons to be tracked by miniature satellites disguised as ordinary bees.