GROUP WANTS CRACK LEGALIZED:

A Houston group wants to make crack cocaine legal for medicinal purposes in Texas. The group, called T.A.L.C. (Texas Alliance to Legalize Crack) has asked the State Legislature to allow Doctors, Psychiatrists, and Notary Publics to write prescriptions for the drug. In an exclusive interview with Gator Press, TALC President Skitz Burgelor said legal crack would make it possible for people who suffer from minor ailments to lose weight. During the interview he kept peeking out the venetian blinds. Later, he was seen examining every speck on the carpet, looking for something. Burgelor charged us $20 to cover his "expenses" for the interview. After the interview was over, our answering machine was found to be missing.