McPissed Off McParents

Local parents and educators are considering a boycott to protest the newest McDonalds advertising mascots. Child advocates say the newest additions to the motley McDonalds gang have gone too far. At issue are the following mascots, introduced in a series of commercials that appeared on Saturday mornings, starting June 8th:
Shakes McJunkie: an emaciated addict who robs other characters to support his milkshake habit. In a recent commercial, McJunkie violently stabs another character in the McRibs.
Frenchy McFried: A hallucinating red-eyed character who mumbles "far out" continually.
The McSmotherer: A cute little tyke who puts his happy meal bag over other kids' heads to smother them, so he can steal their food.
The Mac Hoes: A trio of female characters in thick makeup, fishnet stockings and miniskirts. These chicks will do anything to support their mac addictions, and walk the streets of MacDonaldland turning tricks with prominent denizens like Mayor McCheese. In one commercial that has not yet aired, a character named Ronald McPimp decapitates McCheese and eats his head.
According to Rusty Henge of the Bayside Institute To Curb Hamburgers (BITCH), a partial boycott will be called for, in which consumers will be asked to stop buying Apple McPies until the ads are pulled.
"Over the years, McDonald's has successfully introduced a number of new characters whose defining characteristic is a certain measure of comical, criminal intent," said Andrew Perchlipp, McDonald's vice-president of promotions. "Such shady characters as The Hamburglar, The Goblins, and the bloodthirsty Captain Crook have fit nicely into McDonald's advertising. However, if there is a public outcry, we will remove the new characters. We might have them killed in a police shootout  - or even send them off to McPrison"
The characters have also appeared on Happy Meals, placemats, toys and promotional items -  including dolls and ski masks. These might be recalled and become prized collectibles.