POLICE SLOWLY BURNING MASSIVE POT STASH

West Cove is a little dot on the map near Beaumont. The police in West Cove consist of one officer, Police Chief Nick Gonadino. In April of this year, Gonadino stopped a semi-trailer containing 20 tons of marijuana. Since that time, the stash has been stored in the tiny office and jail at West Cove. With the jail full of pot, Gonadino has quit patrolling and making arrests. "I have to protect this valuable evidence, and supervise the controlled burning of it" Chief Gonadino said. Because his department does not have an incinerator, the illegal weed must be burned by hand, using a barbecue pit located behind the station. Recently an unfavorable wind filled a nearby convenience store with fumes from the burning, causing them to sell out of potato chips. Patrons were seen giggling and cavorting nude in the incident. Gonadino downplays any hint of danger to the public, however. "Hey man, so maybe some people are gonna get mellow and cop some munchies. Ever since that truck got here, things are like, really groovy in West Cove. The scene is like, really out of sight." Gonadino says that numerous spectators attend the daily burnings, even though the fumes are very strong.