Recent Crime Wave Explained

Authorities in Galveston say that a recent wave of Karma disturbances can be traced to an entity known as "some asshole".
They cite as evidence the following excerpts from police reports and other public records:
"Some asshole stole my bike." "Some asshole crashed the system." "Some asshole sent me a nest filled with killer bees." "Some asshole decided to delete the page." "Some asshole just walked in here asking if I'd seen Chris." "Some asshole who just wants to make quick money." "Some asshole broke into my Jeep this morning." "Some asshole yelled something really loud." "Some asshole crashed into my car." "Some asshole poured fabric softener in the bird bath." "Some asshole who couldn't take no for an answer." "Some asshole in a SUV cut me off and then had the distended yuppie balls to actually honk at me." "Some asshole talking on his cell phone got creamed." "Some asshole called saying that I didn't pay the electric bill." "Some asshole whose name escapes me now."
Police theorize that there is not a single perpetrator, but rather the term "some asshole" refers to a gang of conspirators. They have vowed to arrest some assholes immediately.