Human Ass Found Floating In Bay

Eric Barenklau is a Certified Safety Professional with Evergreen Environmental Services. All of his special training never prepared him for what happened on a March 1st boating trip.
"I was taking a few of the dancers from the strip club out for a safety meeting in Galveston Bay" Eric said, "when I spotted a large object floating in the water at the entrance to Clear Lake. At first I thought it was a jellyfish. When we got closer, I saw that it was an enormous ass, with a Betty Boop tattoo on it. Craziest thing I ever saw".
Using his cell phone, Eric called 911 and notified police of his discovery. Kemah Police responded by sending a patrol boat. Specially-trained officers from Kemah's elite TWAT (Tactical Weapons And Techniques) squad arrived and immediately began strip-searching the dancers. A small crane was brought to the site, and the ass was hauled aboard using a special sling. It was taken to the laboratory of Forensic Proctologist Dr. Malcom Luther Jackson in Houston.
Jackson told Nightmoves that the science of Forensic Proctology has made great advances recently, and that tests would be likely to determine the gender, age, approximate income, height, weight, nationality, shoe size, birthdate, Social Security number, and sexual preferences of the victim.
Police have constructed a plaster cast of the ass, in hopes someone may recognize it. The plaster version may be featured on radio, and an upcoming TV episodes of "Unsolved Mysteries" and "Days Of Our Lives".